RIF'd Episode 6 : DUSTYN, OUR FIRST GUEST!

Just never move. Like a... Don't move. Don't work it out at an hour. Breathe. None of that. Can you hold your
breath for 40 minutes? Yeah let's see on today's podcast. Hey we're actually
recording right now. Oh we've been recording the whole time? Just for a
little bit. Okay cool. I thought you were gonna play me in. Oh yeah so hey everyone it's the first guest
episode of Rift. Thanks for joining and our guest tonight is named Dustin and
he's a friend of mine and he is... Wait am I like pronouning you to death? I don't
know what pronouns are yet. Sweet well anyway he came with his own theme music
so let's just bring him in Dustin! Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
Fuck yeah. Oh yeah. Dude thank you for that music. I can't believe you composed
that yourself. You know what I I want to go the extra mile here. That's crazy too
like thank you for wearing like lingerie. That's super weird but I appreciate it.
Like you really amped it up man. Well they do say that you know like a suit
and tie is a tailored suit is lingerie for men and I've experienced that. Yeah I
don't have a tailored suit. I've never had one. I have one that fits pretty well
and had a pretty good night that night so. I always look like I'm wearing my
dad's suit. Okay like it's doesn't quite fit at all. Like shoulder pads. Yeah. Just like stupid.
Sleeves too long. Fucking hate it. I have like a pinstripe suit I don't know. It's
actually the suit he was buried in. That's enough. My dad? No that's enough. He's still alive.
That's for another season. When he dies this is coming out hot. He's sad. Live from the services.
Sorry. We're here next to my dead dad. That's when we go live. Play the sound effects.
Hold on. Wait what's this button do? Oh fuck. Perfect. I didn't even know that was the one.
I thought it was gonna be the applause. There we go. There we go. That's a lot of applause.
That's like a stadium. That's a shit ton of applause for my dad dying. He would love that.
He'd really like that. Same. Who wouldn't? So Dustin is here on the show and we're here to talk
about I don't know. We met each other through work at the unnamed virtualization technology
company. That's true. There's literally tens of options that you can pick from. It's very obscure.
No one will ever know. You're gripping the sides of the table like Putin. Oh I was trying to hold
still. You know this was my this is my hold still pose. Do you want to go get some of my son's
Ritalin? Yeah. We can do some Ritalin. That would be great. Don't do other people's medication. Yeah
that is frowned upon. That's brought to you by Spotify. I'm sorry for violating terms of service.
What was your snooze? I felt like I was gonna get some free snooze for coming on here. I was led to
believe that they were a sponsor of yours. I wish dude. I could eat those hash browns all day. I fucking
love snooze. You know it's like a meme that snooze is for white people. But I'm a white
people man. I like that shit. You are mayonnaise. That's how I describe you to most people.
Really? It's Miracle Whip. No fuck Miracle Whip. That shit's gross. It's my bed. It's super gross. Mayo is real good. I'm all about the mayo. So when it comes to you know the
Kleenex of Mayo what brand is that? Well I'm an East Coast boy. So it's a Hellman's for me. Not best
foods. Like what mental giant came up with the name best foods? I don't know. Is it the best foods? All right
let's go home. Are they the same people that came up with great value? No. The great value chain? No.
That's a good brand name. Isn't that Walmart or something? It is but I just being you know it's in that
it's like adjacent to such a oh this is the best. I only go to Walmart for vaccines because they are never
out of stock. Because no one that goes to Walmart believes in vaccines. So they have like so many.
But you on triple dose? Sure. We'll get you through 20. Can I have a paternity test? No we're all out.
Those we don't. They actually have them like at the counter. Oh wow. Yeah like right next to the Cheetos?
No like on your way out. Oh okay. I guess that makes more sense. They might have Cheetos there. Yeah probably everywhere. Fire Cheetos. Condoms.
Yeah man. Fire condoms. Cheeto condom. They do have the flavored stuff so. Flavored condoms? Yeah so why
why not kick it up to chips? Flavored condoms are weird are so weird to me dude. Yeah it is it's a
strange concept. They do make ruffled condoms and Oh lean. They do. They're instant anal leakage. They are not. Good Lord. They are not ribbed. They are ruffled.
These are from Walmart. They're fucking ruffled. The ribs are different. It's a different thing. Sorry. You get that at Target. Trachin brand. Close. So yeah we know each other from the
unnamed virtualization company. It's true. And we worked there together. Oh yeah. And I haven't seen you in years. Yeah we haven't seen each other since COVID. Yeah. Happened. You look way worse. I do have to say that. What?
Dude I've been working on myself. I'm just kidding. I'm playing a lot of tennis. I know I know. You do look more trim. You look pretty much the same. And I always forget how tall you are. And I don't know why that is. You know what my old
Boz Rita who I mentioned on previous episodes when she like came out to Colorado and she met me and she's like I really expected you to be like 5'3". It's like what the fuck? How? You've only seen like up from my nipples. Well. Maybe it's the shape of your head.
The area. Maybe. Yeah maybe. A little squat head. I don't know. I don't know. You see people on Zoom and you make a lot of assumptions about you know from the neck down I guess. Well yeah. I mean what else are you going to do on the Zoom? Just think about everyone from the neck down. Pin that person. So I don't know. This is a current event. I don't know if you saw this. But you know they have court proceedings over Zoom now.
And yes you know my dad actually is a parking magistrate and he does the same type of thing. It's like in Spain. Who has magistrates? Denver. They have so many parking tickets. They have a dedicated parking. Anyway that really doesn't have that much to do with the story. But he does all his proceedings over Zoom.
And I recently saw one where a guy had his other pseudonym. So not his first and last name. It was a defendant or whatever. Right. And am I allowed to cuss on this? Fuck yeah. No. His name was Buttfucker2000 for some reason.
And the judge was not pleased. And he kicked him to the Zoom lobby meeting room to think about his choice of Zoom aliases.
Dude I thought you meant that was like on the official court paperwork. His name was Buttfucker2000. Like he's part of OutKat. Like some knock off OutKast. You meant in the Zoom.
The Raider. The more adult out there. That happened to me at a work call. One time a guy he joined and his name was like Open Y'all Buttholes. And then everyone was like whoever that is please leave. And then the dude came back and he's like sorry my friends got to hold my Zoom over the weekend.
That's not my cocaine. Thanks Greg. Well according to the comment section of this article that I saw online. It's funny the claim was it was his brother or you know a roommate on the Zoom account.
Well hold on but your dad was there for this thing? My dad was Buttfucker3000. I'll level with you. I was trying to make people anonymous. But yeah it happened to my dad. 100%. So sorry dad.
Yeah so if you want to dox Dustin his last name is 3000. It was 2000 now it's 3000. I do got to say just thinking about it randomly right now. Two white guys say hey let's start a podcast but you did it.
I think they all do it don't they? I don't know. I think it's something you say when you're like hammered. Sounds great. You guys are partying and then you know it fizzles out.
I think it started on it wasn't booze for me it was weed. It was like no bro. I don't do weed anymore.
Okay how long? Well I did it this weekend but that's because. Hold on. How long have you been cleaning? 20 minutes. So I went to a friend's house he had us over for dinner and he had a dinner party and his roommate was like hey man there's like pre rolls over there if you want any and then like his roommate just disappeared but then I was at the end of the night I was like I kind of want to pre roll so I surreptitiously took one. Damn you and the big words.
And then sneakily. Thank you. Thank you. And then I smoked it and that was it. I don't know so I had like a weird health issue with weed. Did I tell you about this? Sure. I don't think so. So it was like maybe two years ago maybe a year and a half ago.
I smoked weed and half my body went numb so I like smoked some weed and we were watching Harry Potter number five the one with the mean lady in it. Okay. Dolores Umbridge. Sure. No lost you. I just haven't been to that franchise. Yeah more of a Star Wars Star Trek Warhammer. Warhammer? Office.
Looking for my Pam. You're my Pam. So half my body went numb. I was like laying on the couch and then literally just I think it was my left side. I don't even remember. It just went numb and I turned to my wife and said like I think I'm having a stroke. So yeah it was scary. I went to the hospital and they ran all these tests on me and they're like well first the EMTs came and they're like have you ever smoked weed before? Like they're really pissy with me. Yeah. Yeah.
What have you done? Oh you're high? Right. The instant you tell them you're high they don't like you because first of all they're all fucking high because they make $12 an hour and they have access to ketamine. You know what? I was about to say the same thing. They get paid dick and they have like the good stuff like enough to kill autistic black men in Denver. Sure. Sure.
Sorry Elijah. You got the raw deal dude. So my body went numb. I went to the hospital. They were constantly like well you're just high. You're just high. Yeah. Turns out I was just high. I had never had weed make half my body go numb and so like a week later I was like I gotta try this again. Sure. Because it's weed. Yeah. I gotta try it again. Yeah. I used the same batch and it made me go numb again so I guess there's something in that weed.
Huh. And then I tried it again. I was like I gotta try this again. So third. Well of course. Third time. Yeah. Yeah. And it was just like I don't know what it was. Like maybe it was tainted. How long did that last? Like six hours. Really? Yeah it was terrifying. I literally thought like a blood clot was just gonna go blam. Could you walk? Yeah. No all that was fine. But it was like it felt like novocaine. Mm. But just on one side of my body.
Numb. Just like very deadened. Like surface to an eighth of an inch inside my body numb. Okay so you like. Even my tongue. Yeah. My eyeball. Like it was weird. Wow. So like someone could have bit you and it wouldn't be as bad or someone could have stabbed you and that's basically. Yeah I wasn't really thinking about the positives. I didn't think that was a positive scenario. Like pluses and minuses. Or are you going into rooms left side first?
Yeah. I think it was like a little bit of a
That was more of a cameo. Let's be real. You know. True. Kind of like McConaughey and uh. I don't know movies. Just tell me. McConaughey. Wolf of Wall Street. I still haven't seen that. Okay well it's pretty good. Yeah. But yeah Matthew McConaughey is kind of a weird cameo where he beats on his chest and kind of entertaining. He keeps his shirt on though. I guess he's well known for not having a shirt on but I think he keeps his shirt on in that one. So that's a pass. Much to my dismay as well.
We'll skip that for movie night. That's a no. That's a veto. So yeah. Alright well that's a good amount of things to talk about right there that we talked about. Sure. But I guess you know for those of you not in the know and that did listen to the last episode and my employment at Home Depot. Dustin also worked at Home Depot and I just need to. Sure. I mean home store. Yeah home improvement. Where else? Chain. Major home improvement chain.
It's not Home Depot. It's the Home Depot. No one says that. I gotta go to the Home Depot. It's the opposite of Ukraine. Cause everyone says the Ukraine. Yeah. But it's just Ukraine. So that's that the gets lost for some reason. You heard it here? From an Eastern. Home Depot is the opposite of Ukraine. Cause there's not unmitigated depth. It's an antonym. See now we're getting somewhere. Now this is your ground floor take off of the podcast.
This is how movies are made. This is how careers are won. So anyway. We'll just let that part out. Go ahead. Thank you. This is how movies are made. Please edit out all the stuttering. Alright. We're right on it. I'm on it. Cool. Fantastic. Yeah cause I'm gonna show this to like my friends and family. I don't want to. Are you? Well of course. Yeah man. This is my first. Like media debut. Debut. Debut. Yeah yeah. Debut time.
What did you do there? I started as a cashier. What did you end as? 24 as a kitchen designer. What? You did? So I started at the bottom. And I designed some cabinets. Some countertops. I had to think about countertops. I had to. Like what else did I do? I always envied you motherfuckers in like kitchen design cause you had chairs. Oh yeah. I didn't have a chair. You had computers too. Yeah you had a computer. You had a chair. And I'm over here like trying to shoplift random things.
So yeah we're getting really ancient. So anyway I did. I did start as a cashier. And then I sold doors and windows cause they recognized that I was really good at selling those little like oh if the battery goes out on the drill. You can get this warranty. Because your clients are like 70 and scared of everything. Oh yeah.
Dude fear is a very effective sales tactic. I learned that at an early age. Wait so you sold batteries for like the door? No no no. Sorry I leaked a little bit there. The reason I went to like Millworks door and window sales is when I was a cashier I was good at selling like the replacement plans for the hardware. So it's like oh like you're scanning it and you're like this little thing pops up and like oh for two years we'll cover the battery. I never buy those things. I always like take it as an assault. Yeah you should. It is.
Like I don't want you to tell me that. Yeah yeah. It's I had to. And I was really good at it. So. But like you said I did I did case people you know I kind of made some judgments and really went for those vulnerable looking people and sold them warranties they didn't need. And that advanced my career. I got upwards of 30 cents more an hour. How much did you make again? Oh gosh that was like. I made 10 at Home Depot on hard side. I think started at 10. One of my big raises was like 1070. Yeah.
Like the wish that brand. That's what I can. That's like 2.9 spends. I think right. That's a 2.9. We rounded up. We rounded up for you. So yeah. Went to doors and windows and then went to Millworks. Sorry. Sounds like you like going to work. You know what. Sorta. It just I would say the big kicker kind of something you mentioned was the money that like I was broken those days like that was not. I
But I did you know the I'm you know me and everyone else listening does as well right. Obviously you know I like the social I like the social interaction of retail and retail in general stuff right. Like that's a retail and food service are always you know a little you don't get days off.
One like you get like one day every they're like work four months in a row and you get a day off or you had ever have what they call it. Clopin or you closed and then opened see where they're till 10 p.m. I thought that was like the butthole of a lizard. That's one of the one of the definitions. That's where it comes from. Anyway not to get into.
I never did a jargon. I never did a yeah. And I never did the inventory. I always like skipped out. Yeah you should. Yeah holidays were rough too. You always work like Black Friday and stuff like that. I worked at Best Buy same type of thing. Yeah you didn't really have holidays off. You usually work weekends at least you know I don't remember what my schedule was in lumber. OK. I don't even know how long I was there. Like I remember getting hired and being excited because I was going to make $10 an hour. Sure.
They made us watch a sexual harassment video like day one. Nice. And there's this guy and this woman was there in mom jeans and he was like I really like your jeans and she was like thanks and he said I want you to wear those every day.
And that was like everyone laughs like that. Do you do you want first sniff right. What is this. That's just enough to it's just the tone. It's in the tone and you you did really sell it. Yeah actually. So the end of this story does end up with me on video actually which is which is fun showing your clope and not quite unfortunately.
They don't have the detail you know required for that. This was pre HD. This is pre 5 4K 5K 10K. So you're on video for what. So I was so at this time I'm designing kitchens or whatever and I am on a this is my unceremonious you know decline I guess after fourish years at that organization.
It was three every you know year and a half but still it was it was pretty juicy with black like a timeshare. Yeah. We actually had to buy a timeshare there too as part of getting vacation days.
I got a different home depot. You can get a free clock. Gazebo analog clock. But anyway so yes I am I saying I'm too much to you kind of I don't know what's the I'm can we should have an uncount. No I say anyway I said a lot.
I digress. So I was going on my merry little way. I know I know it's tough. Not now. I'm all now I'm all worried about it. So I was walking back from the break room to like that a hot dog stand that had cheddar brats.
That was my lunch a lot. Cheddar brats Fritos at a Mountain Dew maybe. I was running like health you know fitness courses at that time and I definitely lived my you know lived my lifestyle.
With those standard do the octane. Yeah. Okay. Oh yeah. Yeah nothing just yeah green. I'm just straight up for a light yellow. Oh yeah that that kind of woke me up for lunch. So I'm on my way to do that and a co-wrote. So I'm clocked out.
You know keep that in mind. Clocked out. I'm clocked out. Full of dew. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Actually not yet. I was on my way. I was thinking about it. It was on my mind you know. Yeah. Salivating about you know that that tasty delicious nutritious meal.
And a co-worker pulls me aside and she's like have you heard of planking and I'm like no not really. And you sir.
Are you interested in learning about planking? And I said yes. I said yes. What does that mean? And she shows me on her flip phone in the very you know grainy picture of a couple people planking and she's like yeah and I'm like oh okay. She's like so you should find something to plank on and then I'll take a picture of it because that's the thing. And I was like okay. Where? Was she cute? Yeah of course. She was a cashier asking you?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. That's out. Yeah. It took me back to my grade at Home Depot. Basically a supermodel. I very much slipped back into my old cashier ways you know. I got so far and then you might have eventual downfall. So yeah there's these two platforms. It's like cash. It's like register to register. And then you can kind of like you know lay flat on a plank between two of them. And I did that. And she took a picture of it and cool. Didn't think of anything of it.
Apparently a few other people did that in other scenarios. Like some guy did it across some you know grocery carts. I mean that's the whole thing with planking right? You've got to do it on everything. Yeah. Yeah. And it spread. It went a little viral within the store. There was like six of us. And so I come in like maybe I think they need to have been on Thursday. I come in on a Monday. I get pulled into an office and told hey can you tell us what happened?
And like it really came up. Yeah I was like what do you mean? I got so fucked up. What else? Yeah next question right? And they're like well like do you remember you know doing any kind of I forget what the word was acrobats or something like that. I'm like acrobatics. I'm like not really. Do you remember doing any acrobats? The Strasby's artist says. Were you at the circus? Clowns. Fire jugglers. So I was like you dead to me.
They did. You know it's funny because that's how it like looking back and kind of in the moment it was kind of like being in this like very lame version of like a detective film of like this like what do they call a. They wanted to nail you. What do they call those? Their interrogation?
The prevention. That's what I was looking for. The LP. Last prevention. This dude came down from. He came down from corporate. He came down from the big store. He's from PP though. Plank prevention. This guy he was a specialist. Excellent form. So they call this guy. And he it was funny because he's like well write a statement. And I was kind of like guided through the statement. You had to write one. I had to write a statement. He's like well what did you. He's like okay cool. He's like okay well tell me what about this detail. Okay what about this detail. He's like the mortgage.
The more detailed the better. And I didn't realize I was like kind of you know signing your. Yeah exactly. See you at the word. So yeah anyway so he's like okay this should be no big deal whatever whatever whatever. So I come back my next shift I think out a couple days off and I had to look up something on the computer before my shift and I blanking couldn't log in. Nope couldn't log in. I'm like well why can't I log in. And and yeah my one of my managers calls me in.
Paycheck and cash though. My that was you know that helps right. That helps a little bit. Yeah yeah yeah. It feels good. Yeah I didn't have to go to the bank. It's you know it's kind of weird. Everyone got fired by the way. Yeah everyone got fired. Everyone got fired that did it. Yeah they were told. I don't know how much more time we have but. We have all the time. Everyone stop listening. It's just you. But that's true anyway.
My manager was given the offer like well you could be everyone on final or you can fire all of them. And he was like yeah let's fire. Fuck them. Yeah. Cut them off man. Yeah I think it was six of us that really. Yeah. The planking six. Yeah it was. That's what we that is what we called ourselves.
One of one of the my colleagues that was also let go called me and he's like we should we should tell nine news about this. We should you know we should serve some media. And I was just like man I just had the sweet release of getting kicked out of retail. But I'm just you know and I wasn't. It's funny because I wasn't necessarily. It's not that hard to do. I mean they just like shit people out. Yeah. And I was just thinking at the time like this will work out. I don't know. It was kind of like a you know while I was getting fired I was just.
I just had that attitude that like this will be fine. And yeah it's hard to be mad at because that's actually what got me into it in a weird way because Jesus jumped bro. Jesus actually got to start planking. I mean he's a carpenter so it's an it's an old trope. You know it's a trope of success.
So so the the quote unquote interesting part of someone that didn't get fired. You were talking about an accident that happened. So after I was fired there was someone who ran a forklift like the forks always a forklift. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
It didn't take a lot to get forklift certified at OMDP. I failed it. I did fail the forklift. Oh yeah. I mean you've seen me drive right. Well you've seen my car. He's planking on the pedals. What's he even doing? Why is he curled up like that? It's a different issue. That's a different story.
No. So he this guy ran the forks up into the heater because you know it was raised or whatever. You know I think it was some kind of gas right. It's like what is it propane. Oh yeah.
So had to call the fire department. They'd evacuate the store. He got put on a final. He got put on a final because it wasn't on purpose. Well I was like from an insurance standpoint if you blow up an entire Home Depot and kill everyone inside. I think that's less. That's probably more money than if a guy planks and falls four feet sure.
Especially someone with your physique like you. It's like iron. It's like iron cable. You're not going to not plank like you're going to crush that thing. You could probably plank for hours. I think I think Kevin you're talking a little out of turn because you I don't think you have much insurance.
You know expertise do you do you can you run those numbers don't plan here are you threatening to plank here my homeowners can't take that I don't know I was going to hit a gas. I know I was going to but if I if like I Hamas the whole fucking store sure with my forklift skills I feel like that's probably worse.
Sure that's very timely. Yeah no that's on topic. Yeah. When this gets put into a time capsule and you know they they uncover it in 20 what 2233 it's like what's on this SD card some MP3 and butthole pics.
Yeah, it's not gonna be an MP3. Come on. Wave files. Don't know is it a way fine. Okay. That's uncompressed is that is that the best format. Okay. Cool. I don't know no middies. You know you know I smoke meds. Okay. But you can't anymore. I thought.
I don't know what that means.
You know I came here with the full intention of seducing you through a podcast. I think it's going okay. Yeah, this is great. We're gonna end right there. Thanks everyone. Fantastic. So yeah, we forklift was always getting into shit.
We had it stuck in the mud one time and it weighs a trillion pounds. So they just stayed in the mud. Well no one can use the forklift that day. I do have to walk that back. It was technically the reach truck. The forklift is like the tank looking one right the reach truck goes up and goes forward and is like a little more agile for those out there that may be offended.
Oh, I don't know. If you are offended by the heavy equipment. Miss naming. This is not the podcast for you. I there's an email the rolling in about the misuse of the heavy equipment naming portion of the show. Yeah, they said it's a scissor lift you fucking idiot. Unsubscribe. Holy shit. Unlike unsubscribe. That's crazy. Unshare. That's from my mom.
Wow.
So this wasn't live.
The. So you went from Home Depot you got your start in it. I did. No. That's it. Yeah. And now what happened the rest is history. How'd you do it. So the guy who hit the heater actually got me a job at a data center.
So it's hard to be too mad at him right. And yeah, I just learned some Linux learn some networking and then just why would you be mad at the heater guy. He didn't. Well, not mad at him like mad at the situation. Because he was on final and you were planking and got fired. It doesn't make any sense right because I got fired and then I made a lot more money. Right. But you were still fired.
And it's weird. It's mixed emotions. I got fired. One time I worked at a car dealership and I hated it and no one was buying any cars because it's like in the middle of recession. Sure. So I would just like go into the cars and take a nap. And then like all my hardworking coworkers. They're all like Mexican guys that were super hard. Sure. They told on me to the boss and I was like how dare you telling me for sleeping in the fucking car salesperson. What were you know I was like a lot boy.
Ah lot of 10 lot tech lot of tendon. Oh sorry. And yeah, then they were like they just told on me and I got fired. Sure. That's the only time I've been fired. They were jealous. I think. Yeah, that's that's the only time I've been fired. So you know it's funny.
The nap that you mentioned a nap and you said nap party at some point in the one of the podcasts and you missed out on the opportunity nap party. Yeah. Something about sleep party or not party in Spain or something. And you missed out on the chance to say siesta fiesta.
And that really stuck out in my head as far as something to critique you about and confront you about. You heard it here. I'm glad I said nap party instead. And we'll go add siesta fiesta back to that. Yeah. I think that was that was very early on. I was talking about the recruiter from Spain. And what do they do. Okay. There you go. See I'm a fan. I didn't just charge in here without doing homework.
Episode 900 I would be like do you remember episode 36. You remember you said nap party. Fucking piece of shit. The fact that you're on episode 900 is mind blowing. Your dog shit at this and you should not do it. Oh I report you all the time and it had they don't be platform view.
The wildest shit. I give them the Hamas verbiage that I mean that would get the platform from that alone. Yeah man I did you ever do you remember soundtrack or ultimate electronics. Does that ring a bell. Okay. So we didn't have those maybe fries. No. Does that ring a bell.
We didn't have I've been to a fries will close now. Okay. But you know what I'm talking about right like an electronic T mainly audio kind of high end dish. Okay. So I worked at one I guess we're talking about work now but you brought up with the nap the nap thing really like hit me as far as things to talk about.
So I was at soundtrack and we were all in sales right a bunch of us you know 20 year old idiots you work at it like is this like car audio or both. But I sold home audio. They did both but I sold like big what's this what's the like strata there like his home better than car or his car better than no homes classier than car.
You make way more like also like you look down on them or yeah okay. Oh yeah a little bit like not like seriously but in the back of your mind you're like you're fucking car come on come on like let's compare checks bro like not that I saw I mean I was not a hundred eighty dollars motherfucker who pre tax so I was quite shy in those days which is not conducive to sales.
And if you didn't make enough commission you got minimum wage on your check. And I say 70% of the time I pulled what they called men. Yeah. It's a min check. Okay got that min check baby.
But yeah that's it's funny bring that up yeah was it was that like whole home like they had a thing where it was like well if you're in car audio you shouldn't really be going over and selling TVs but vice versa. And then they kind of open that up and that was a dramatic.
Like this is my score bro like you're taking commission away from that person and yeah it was pure commission too and then you had that anyway right between salesman like oh like he talked to you first but then he came back and bought from me.
Well what what should we do if I can think should we do a 6040 or should we do a 7525 depends on there was no like official stance on the company. So it was always like, well you to work it out.
Oh wow. That's great and goes well. So did you nap or are we just not talking about. Oh, well, I distracted myself. Thank you very much. So yeah I had a co worker who yeah straight up there was a dark like area with like a bunch of like miscellaneous equipment.
And on hangovers he would he would pound down a 30 hour and a half nap you know but you know I played I played my like my Gameboy SP in there sometimes but I feel like sleeping at work is at least kind of another level.
So yeah it's I mean I don't know if I was necessarily napping either like a lot of time I was just listening to the radio. Sure chilling in the Honda Civic. Sure.
I was a horrible employee there were used to fire me. New. Okay. I taught myself how to drive stick on a new Honda CRV and I was just like ruining it in the back lot like burning the clutch out of CRV.
That's good times.
One time I parked a car in between two cars and I thought I could fit and it turns out it couldn't but I kept going so I ruined three cars at once like you get fired for that. I didn't tell anyone.
I just left it there. Minor damage.
I mean it was like the entire sides of you know so it's one two three four sides of vehicles were scratched or new cars. Yeah. But probably buffed out. Everything's buffed.
Well you know like these dealers have their own body shop. That's right. Right. They're just giving work to those guys. How old were you. I think I was 18. Okay. I don't remember. Yeah I hear that.
I have I'm really bad at figuring out times. Well half your brain's dead. That's true. So yeah after the stroke. This is impressive. What you're able to do right now. I'm talking to half your face. Honestly quitting weed has like helped my recall tremendously weird.
It's not. I'm motivated. I'm in school now. Today was my first day of college. How was it. I finished class already. I completed a course. Oh wow. Yeah. Is it self-paced. Yes. Nice. So I just took the test and I'm passed instantly. Western governors baby Western Governors University.
Is that like in my like big in I.T. because I've seen it a lot. Yeah. Because I.T. is full of shit bags. So it's big in shit bag. I.T. is like the island of misfit toys where everyone's like got half an arm and they're just like you know well for support. Yeah.
I don't know if it's just support man. If you're in I.T. and you're not a shit bag let me know. Give us a call and I'll tell you you're wrong. What a seven seven car. Whatever.
Oh man. If you do want to donate a car though we are both we are both accepting cars. You won't get a you won't get a tax break or anything but I don't want your car. I will take the cars. I will take the car. I just got a new car. Push puller drag. What kind of car.
What kind of car. A Porsche 911 turbo. It's Porsche Porsche. We're gonna be right. Let's get let's. Okay let's go. Let's do it from. It's fast. You don't want to write in it. Come on.
Yeah. That's what I do when I get unemployed. So my wife likes to joke that anytime there's like a big change in my life I end up buying a car and she's not wrong. I mean so I did this. Nice. It's the it's the best one so far right.
Oh yeah. 100 percent. It's my dream dream car. It was your dream car. Yeah. Nice. You're living your dream. I kind of am and I don't have a job. So it's just like staring at this expensive car. My girl's like like that. I will say that not working is one of my dreams. So you are.
It's so good. Yeah. I mean I'm on an unemployment which is cool. Yeah. But I need health care. Yeah. Just don't. It's expensive. Stop having strokes. That's all you gotta do. Yeah. Having strokes right. I can't. Not to get political. Yeah. But please do.
The best health care. You know usually when I say not to get political I say something not political but this time I am sort of. But yeah the best health care in America is just don't get sick. And I know that sounds flippant but just motivation to stay healthy I guess. You have to buy barrel of a gun.
It's a. Whoa. OK. We'll edit that out. By Second Amendment bleep. You have to like having health care tied to your job is like the most oppressive bullshit. It's weird idea that this country abides by right now. Well I will say the most but it's weird. It's the most. You're wrong. Wrong.
Lack of health care. No it's horrible. Yeah it's awful. I agree. Because like mental health care. No one does that because it's so expensive. My wife's a therapist and you know people have to pay out of pocket like two hundred dollars an hour for a lot of there. It's insane.
And their insurance might not cover it or honestly if you have government health care like Medicaid or Medicare that's the best time to get that shit because they'll cover it. Oh yeah. Well and then it's I mean that's tough too because my mom's a nurse and I know an up and coming therapist I guess she's studying to be one.
And there's a lot of reasons that different orgs do not want to take Medicare and Medicaid. So it's like this because they pay you know it's like only a percentage of their bill. No and it's more paperwork and more accountability. But you know my wife's hard up for that paper. She don't give a shit. She's going to take Medicare. She's going to take Zimbabwe. Do it all. Bitcoin. Dogecoin. Yeah. Yeah. I mean I shouldn't. I should walk. I shouldn't mock bitcoins up to thirty three thousand dollars. All right. Let's not talk about crypto. I hate it.
What's that server over there. You're not mining right now. Yeah. I was nodding to a boy. Well you look. That's what's great. You looked at the server over there. That bald eagle over there was that nest up there. Yeah. I think health care sucks. And for me it's like two thousand dollars a month for my family right now because I'm on Cobra.
I'm trying man. I'm trying his heart out on out here. Now I get you. I get you. You just you said you just got some good news. So yeah I got I had an interview last week and the lady was I thought she was ghosting me. So I emailed her on Monday. OK. And now she emailed me and said we're going on to the next round baby.
Yeah. Two days. Yeah. I hate recruiters. My buddy Ryan who also wants to be on the show or maybe he doesn't want to but he said he would do it. Sure. Sure. He used to be a recruiter. So I want to ask him about like hell yeah. What it's like to be Satan on the other side. It's like how many jobs do you have where it's like I guess a good thing if you don't email people back. Sure. Yeah. We I mean I don't know if you remember a certain recruiter at our former workplace but there were some interesting.
Ghosting or whatever internal recruiters. Yeah. Yeah. That's even worse. Yeah it was pretty weird. That's like complete disrespect if an internal recruiter ghosts. Yeah. Because also you can just go to their desk and slap them or plank on it. There's a lot of options. Well I I've used my planking tickets. I'm scared. What do you do to the gym. Planked out. It's my excuse for not doing it as a workout. It's hard. I like. Oh I was doing that for a while. I'm going to have to get back into that now. It's getting cold. Yeah. You bet.
I do. I call it cover size. I like it already. I'm it's like a hipster version of exercise. Shocking. I have a vinyl record player. I wish I was lying. Do you have huge headphones that plug into it. No I have speakers but like I'll pick a record and that's my exercise record for the day. OK. OK. Is there like 40 some minutes. Sure. I don't know. Some record nerd can be like 42 minutes at this RPM.
I like to do cover size for for one record. Yeah. Do a lot of planking. Sure. Forward fold. OK. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Me too. Who doesn't. You know it's not hard exercise. My daughter tries to get me to burpees and I don't like them. I'd rather just burp and pee. It's it's way more rewarding.
So I do sort of a similar thing. I've been kind of in the a getting in a shape vibe whatever. And one of my things. Yeah. Well thank you. And that's why I didn't wear a shirt today. Thank you for noticing. So anyway one of my things is I'm not a big cardio guy but I started kickboxing and I want to. I was like OK I want some more stamina or whatever and I can definitely binge watch TV. So I was like well why don't I combine the two. So I've been watching Ozark. Why.
Why. Only only while on the stair or not star stuff. I'm sorry. Elliptical. So I have to do with kickboxing. Do you kick. Yeah I do. No no sorry. You know that I'm a very I don't know sequential organized storyteller. How dare you. Why are you here shirtless man. No no no I was I was making the parallel and you were saying that you had like a 40 minute thing to do like I mine's an episode of Ozark or so where I want you know what like the is it one of those shows where it's like.
I mean I'm not a fan of the show but it's like Jason Bate man he's not funny. I mean it's kind of a dark comedy. Is it. I watched the first episode. Oh well. OK. You give it a shot. I gave. I'm bad at like that type of show too like Breaking Bad. I watched like the first two episodes and that was it.
Me and my friends have met this guy. They were talking about the good place. The show. I love that show. Yeah. So my friend does not like the show watched about six episodes. Fair enough. I'm never you know I'm never going to be weird. Oh you don't like it. I like it whatever. I thought it was pretty good. Someone at a party was like well bro you just you need it. You need to stick it out. You get through the first three just trudge through the first three seasons. I love that shit right. Like if you trust me so commonly.
Season nine. Just just you know. Just hold your nose and watch the first 20 years of this content and it really does hit you know I promise. I feel like that's how your podcast. You know like one season I'll maybe do one season of bad TV if you promise me promise me promise me that it's going to be good. But like I remember talking to people about the Walking Dead they'd always be like do you watch Walking Dead. Yeah. No and they'd be like don't. And I was like. Oh yeah.
Come back. Oh they they don't know what they're talking about. They. It's really unfortunate they are need to go to rehab. That's that's sad for them. I played vanilla well. OK. I got to level 40 because everyone's like dude once you get to level 40 you get your mount. Yeah.
I got my mount and I was like oh cool it's like I can get to nowhere faster. You can. I quit literally. You can ride a dinosaur. Yeah. I was a hunter so I already had like aspect of the cheetah that gives you 15 percent move speed or whatever the hell it was at the time. So it was like that wasn't even that mind blowing to me. I was like you know I was already running at 85 percent of this pointless. This is pointless bullshit. No I definitely like I definitely played I definitely played the remake during the season.
I played the remake during lockdown and I met some really cool people in Canada. But yeah you said it best. Your girlfriend going nowhere. Yeah. You don't know her. No I you know I don't. We aren't we aren't together anymore. She she met a nice young man in Colorado. I did do all the paperwork for citizenship but you know hey here we are.
That's awesome. She has the house the kids you know it's fine. Kids. I have one kid. He's 20 by the way. Oh yeah you do. Oh my god. I have an adult. That's that's nuts. Yeah. Well I'm 62. I mean it's you got you have someone that might bail you out. I try to be nice to him. I try to be mostly nice to him for that reason specifically. Yeah. And I tell him that all the time. Like I'm going to need you in a pinch. Yeah. Or like help me retire.
Or like help me retire or something. No. We'll see. No one's going to do that. No one's retired. Those days are over. Those days are over. Yeah. Yeah. The only people that are going to retire are already retired and they're all on next door. So you can maybe ask them what they did. Okay. Cool. Yeah. I'll do that. Well I avoided minorities and I bought a house for $300. I put in three applications and got three offers. Okay.
My boots are strong as fuck. What's wrong with the overs? I will say that I do feel lucky to be in my industry. It kind of goes against the grain for what a lot of people are experiencing somewhat. So you know just millennials in general I guess it's tough. So you're a late millennial though.
Zillennial. What? Older you? Ex and millennial. So it's zillennial. Like a xylophone. Yeah. Or elder millennial. I'm older than you. I'm 38. Okay. I'm 40. I'm about to turn 41. Older the berry. Sweeter the juice. This is the blacker the berry the sweeter the juice. That's what Tupac said. The more ancient the berry the more decrepit the... The fucking vinegar comes out if you squeeze me man.
I think it's darker. Did you say darker? Blacker the berry. I'm just saying what Tupac said. Okay. Are you sure? I'm pretty sure Tupac said that. Oh pretty sure. Here we are. From sure to pretty sure. Oh god. To the most gentle interrogation and pushback. So yeah. I don't know. Is that a... I think that's good. Do you think we're good? I think that's a wrap. I think we're solid. I'm going to go to bed. We've ripped. We did rip shit out of this. Yeah this was a good little window in here.
Good little window into our typical... 53 minutes. Damn are you serious? Yeah well I didn't feel longer. I had no idea. Yeah. Yeah okay. Hi. What's your longest episode? This. Who would have thought that I could ramble on? That's why I only want ADHD people on this podcast. Oh are you assuming that I have a specific neurodiversion? If you're neurotypical you can get the fuck out.
I think that's illegal. So that's more leverage I have to blackmail you later. You know what else you have leverage on? Sure. When you plank. Well you know. You're like a big lever. It's over. Those days are over. You're behind me. But maybe it's my next career upgrade. I don't know. Yeah you're probably going to get fired from your current job for doing the Harlem Shake or something. Ice bucket challenge. I do. On a computer. No I think Harlem Shake. You know I'm into dancing so that's a little bit more of my speed. Anyway. Let's just dance right out of here. Alright.
Let's just dance out of here. Don't tell them. Yeah. And you know what? I give this episode a full on. Yeah. Fucking crushed it. You have so many hands. It's impressive. Yeah. You have no idea. You have some idea. Yeah that's true. Alright fuck it. This is over. We're done. Bye bye. I love you all. Thanks for listening. Don't forget to check out RiftPodcast.com and also my Instagram which I think is RiftPodcast. I don't even know. But I'm on there too. And I'm on Twitter. RiftPod. At RiftPod. It's X. I hate it.