Episode 11 - End of an Era

(hip hop music)
♪ Can you believe it ♪
♪ Can you believe it ♪
♪ Can you believe it ♪
♪ I can't ♪
♪ Turns out I'm back ♪
♪ Podcast, though it's whack ♪
♪ I'm gonna keep doing it ♪
♪ Gonna keep improving it ♪
♪ Probably not ♪
♪ But I'm gonna keep doing it ♪
♪ And then if you wanna keep listening, listen ♪
♪ But if you wanna don't, then don't ♪
♪ If you wanna don't ♪
♪ I said if you wanna don't, then don't ♪
♪ Oh yeah, welcome back to Rift ♪
♪ Oh, welcome back ♪
♪ Oh yeah, I'll give you a big old kiss ♪
♪ Right on your neck ♪
♪ In your back ♪
♪ And your ♪
♪ And your crack ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Welcome back to Rift ♪
♪ I know it's been a long time ♪
♪ But I'm here and I'm gonna tell you something ♪
♪ I got a job, I got a job, I got a job ♪
♪ That's why we ain't been around much ♪
♪ Also, I'm gonna try and do this in one take ♪
♪ So if it sounds like shit ♪
♪ Then that's why it sounds like shit ♪
♪ But I got an interview with my homie AJ to show you ♪
♪ And if you listen to it for a long time ♪
♪ Maybe you'll laugh once or twice ♪
♪ But I don't fucking know and I don't fucking care ♪
♪ Because I'm just gonna do my podcast ♪
♪ The way I wanna do it ♪
♪ Because that's what you do ♪
♪ That's what you do when you got that podcast ♪
♪ So I got a motherfucking job now ♪
♪ But that's not the only, only thing ♪
♪ I got lots of other shit ♪
♪ I got medication up in my brain ♪
♪ My God, I can't believe I promised ♪
♪ I would do it in one take ♪
♪ I can't believe I promised I would do it ♪
So then the song just ends.
I used the AI, Suno, to make that little instrumental track.
And I guess it wasn't very long,
which is probably for the best.
Welcome back and I'm glad to be here.
I've been dragging my fucking feet on this episode
because I'm pretty sure I recorded this in February,
the interview, and I feel really bad.
AJ, if you're listening, you're probably not,
but it wasn't you, it's me.
Okay, so I apologize.
I wanna just shout out,
I haven't been paying attention to this thing, Javi, Javi,
but I looked at my stats today
and got nine downloads from Africa,
which I think is awesome.
So really shining a light on my life
and I'm really glad that you Africans are here.
Love me some Africans.
So yeah, I got a job.
Isn't that crazy?
Like I interviewed like a motherfucker
and I finally landed one.
I conned some people into giving me a job
as a technical account manager and it pays good.
And I'm like three to four weeks into this thing,
five weeks, and I really haven't done anything.
So that's cool because I'm just training
and I don't know, it seems weird.
It's very self-paced onboarding,
which is really not good for someone like me with ADHD.
Clinically proven now, by the way.
Big shout out to Amavi Health for dropping me the script
and getting me on that concerta.
And we're gonna see how it goes.
And hopefully, you know, it goes well.
But I think I need a little bit more.
I think I need a little bit more.
Just gonna put that out there.
Doc, if you're listening, let's bump it.
So I got a job, but what happened was
I was actually interviewing at two different places.
And company A, you know, the interviews went really well,
I thought.
And I interviewed at company A and I fucking crushed it.
The guy actually called me, or he told me
at the end of the interview, the team leader,
the VP guy, he was like, "Do you mind if I curse, Kevin?"
I was like, "Yes."
He said, "You fucking crushed it."
And I was like super happy
'cause I definitely got that job.
But then it took them forever to get me my offer letter.
They kept going back and forth
and then it was a senior position
and then they down-leveled it to a normal position,
which was like a $20,000 pay cut.
And I had to go into the office two days a week
at that company and it was in Denver
and I didn't wanna drive down there two days a week
in my Porsche because come on, guys, you don't drive,
you don't commute in the 911.
Anyway, so they went back and forth
and I was still interviewing at company B.
And company B knew that I had this offer
so they fast-tracked me
and I just like blazed through the interviews
and then it came down to how much they were gonna pay me.
It was vastly more than the other place
and it was fully remote.
So I basically ended up taking company B
and company A was sad but they couldn't match the offer
and that's that.
And so here I am, I'm a man with a job
and things are good, things are really good.
Like I said, I have health insurance.
Well, I didn't say that but I implied
because I did get medication via health insurance
which didn't, it's expensive.
And I don't know if it's any good
but it's better than not having any.
And my COBRA coverage ended
and I had like two weeks of no insurance
but other than that, we're gravy, we're fucking full,
we're just cruising, we're cruising at this point.
I don't hate my new job yet, I think it's pretty good.
I'm trying to learn G Suite
'cause I've never really had to use it in large capacity
and so that's fun but it's great.
Things are great for me.
For most people, they're probably not great
but for me, they're pretty good.
Maybe some would even say great.
So I wanted to just sort of put that out there
that you too could probably find a job.
If I can do it, you can do it.
And just believe in yourself.
It's hard when you're looking for a job
to think that you're any good.
I sure as shit didn't and I still don't really
but it can be really demoralizing
to be on the search for a job.
I know people are getting laid off left and right now,
like still, it's still happening.
I have one of our listeners who loves green shirts
got laid off and dude has like,
he's already got a job offer lined up
so I don't really care about him.
But if you are struggling, I mean just take solace
in the fact that AI is gonna come for your jobs.
World War III might happen.
I don't know, just enjoy your time
before anything goes down.
And you know, like we have this dog Penny, she's great.
We thought she had mange.
She's like chewing her fur off so we took her to the vet.
They gave her mange medicine and it didn't work
so we took her to the vet.
They gave her mange medicine and it didn't work
so we took her to the vet.
They gave her an allergy shot and now she's good.
So and then I started researching the allergy shot
on Reddit and it's just story after story
of people's dogs dying.
So Penny, you had a good run.
We love you and you know,
we don't love your scratching though.
So that's that.
And that's really all, I mean there's so much.
I feel like I haven't done a podcast in a really long time
trying to get the swing of things.
This is going to be the last episode of season one.
I think we're gonna, I'm gonna, we, me,
is gonna do some more stuff, I don't know,
some weirder things maybe or just pivot the podcast
to something since it's not about my layoff anymore
and I don't know if people wanna talk about
their layoffs with me because mine was just so good.
It's not gonna compare.
So who knows, maybe it'll just be another shitty
movie review podcast or something like that.
I'm really hammering and hauling on it
and I haven't decided yet.
But what I did wanna say is that my good friend AJ,
I interviewed him and it was something.
So I just wanna lead into that.
You can listen to it, you can hang up,
you can do whatever you want within reason
and I love that for you.
But here's me and AJ and I hope you enjoy it
and then I'm gonna, you know, I'll be back at the end
and then we'll figure something out.
I love you, good night.
What are we doing here?
Is this like? (laughs)
- What do you mean?
- What are we doing here?
- We're in the first 15 minutes of the--
- This is an interview.
What are we talking about?
- What do you wanna interview me on?
- I don't know.
What do you like?
What's your deal?
Why are you here?
Why are you on the podcast?
Welcome.
- Long time listener.
- First time caller.
- Well, not, no, actually no.
I'm like a seventh time caller.
This is the first time I got an answer.
I've been sitting here for a couple weeks now,
twiddling my thumbs trying to get into the Zoom call.
- Sorry, I was getting together with Jason.
Me and Jay go way back.
AJ.
- Shout out, Jay.
- What are you doing, brushing the dirt off your shoulder?
- My shoulder itches.
It itches, no.
I was itching it.
- What would you say is your biggest accomplishment
as a podcaster so far?
(laughs)
- The fact that anyone has ever listened to this thing.
- Are you kidding me?
We're almost at 500 downloads or something, 500.
- I was gonna ask, do you have the metrics of who listens?
- It'll say like where they're from.
- How many of your subscribers?
- Ah, that's tough to tell, unfortunately.
But yeah, it'll say like who listened from where.
- Have you seen any from Prairie Village, Kansas come through?
- Yours come through as something else.
It's something Kansas though.
- Olathe.
- It's like based on your IP address.
So it might not necessarily be where you live.
- Pryolathe.
- But I've seen you in there.
I've seen you.
- I'm out there, dude.
I found out uniquely that Jason got in here before me.
- Yeah, that Jason guy sucks.
I'm never having him back.
I was thinking about having some other guests though.
- Like who?
I just wanna make sure.
- There's this chick Mary
that said she wanted to be on the show.
I was gonna interview her.
- What's her deal?
- I can't get into it.
- She riffed?
- Yeah.
- Did she riff from the same corporation
as you were riffed from?
- No.
- Are you just compiling people who were riffed from
(laughing)
your role?
- Compiling?
What do you mean?
Like I'm gonna interview people that I worked with?
- Get everybody who's like hey.
- That I used to work with?
- We all got riffed.
- I don't know.
I don't know if I could,
I don't wanna talk to my old coworkers again.
I'm sorry, but.
- I don't blame you.
- I don't know, maybe.
Like my direct team that we all got laid off,
I don't wanna talk to any of them again.
I definitely have friends at my old company,
but not what I worked with.
- How was the job search going?
Sorry, it wasn't real nice.
I was just looking up actually.
- I like 'cause you're like why am I driving this show?
- I actually don't know,
like you know the job search is going all right.
I might get a job.
- Yeah?
- I'm supposed to get an offer letter on Tuesday.
But I'm also interviewing somewhere else.
- Okay, so you're keeping your options open.
- Oh, 100%.
100%.
- What are you allowed to say what the prospects are?
The names of these companies,
or you gotta keep it--
- I don't wanna say that right now.
But job one, I got that job, like 100%.
- How many times have you talked to Zuckerberg?
- It's not there.
- How many times have you talked to Steve Jobs?
- I think you should be asking
how many times have you talked to Grimace?
I'm going to the Mickey D's.
- Three times?
- Mm.
- You've talked to Grimace three times?
- This week, yeah.
- Wow.
- Do you not?
- No.
- He's got some good, he throws out some nuggies.
- Does he?
- Grimace?
- Yeah, dude.
- He gives nuggies out?
- Dude.
- Nuggies.
- He's like--
- Like nuggies.
- Like chicken nuggets.
- Chicken nuggets, yeah.
- Not weed nuggets.
- No, well not in Kansas, it's illegal here.
- You live in Kansas?
- Kansas, yeah.
- I thought you lived in Missouri.
- We're close to Missouri,
which does allow both types of nuggies to be thrown out.
- Weed's illegal in Missouri?
- It is.
- That is insane to me.
- Straight up.
- I don't even think interracial marriage is legal in Missouri.
How do they get weed in there?
- They smoke weed.
- They smoke weed, that gambling is also legal in--
- Really?
- Well, gambling is legal in Kansas, not Missouri.
- Oh.
- But weed is legal in Missouri, not Kansas.
- So do you have a lot of--
- I think they're just like--
- Curfuffled?
- I just bounce back and forth.
I go one mile over the border from where I live,
I get my nuggies, when I come back and I make bad bets.
- No you don't.
- Yeah.
- What happens if a Kansas cop
pulls you over and finds weed?
They probably flip out.
Can't be good.
- Thank God it's never happened.
They don't really look for it.
I don't think they're, I think they're on the track of,
we're gonna support it, 'cause we got the legal gambling,
we're gonna start working towards--
- Yeah, we want weed.
Like we get gambling.
- Yeah.
- I think they go hand in hand.
- Right, you would think so.
- I've never done that.
- Gamble their smoke weed.
- Yeah.
- Hmm.
Have you ever smoked the devil's lettuce out of a gas mask?
- No, never done that actually.
That seems like a very movie thing.
Have you done that?
- I have not, I've seen it done.
- Really?
Hmm.
That'd be all right with that.
I feel like it would make your eyes hurt.
- Yeah, it doesn't look fun.
Like it's a lot of smoke up in there.
- In there.
- It looks cool right there.
That's chingy.
- It looks cool.
- Another night.
Doing it, yeah, I mean it looks cool.
'Cause like you just got this gas mask
and you just see your eyes and all of a sudden it's smoke.
- I don't think anyone looks cool smoking weed.
It's just not cool.
Like it's fun, but it's not cool looking.
- I think you're smoking it wrong then.
- Probably.
I usually do it right out of a clown's butt hole.
- I feel like that'd be the coolest though.
- Is that the coolest?
The ICP, someone from ICP.
- Like a little jug-a-lo.
- Wow.
- Straight up jug-a-lo bong raps.
- Wait, you've been laid off though, right?
Like more relevant to the podcast.
Have you been laid off?
- No, you haven't.
Silver spoon.
- No, I have.
- From central Illinois.
- I was laid off from my second like actual career job.
- You were prepared for me to ask you this question too.
Clearly, 'cause that recall was just tremendous.
- I'm very smart too, also, that's why.
I just remember things.
Like I remember tiny details like that.
It was my second job.
2014.
- Wow.
- My current wife was one of my bosses.
- She wasn't your wife then though?
- No, not at that time.
No, no, no.
- Currently she is.
- Currently she is, yes.
Currently in current state she is.
At that time, no.
But that's what sparked the magic was my follow-up.
- Sparked your layoff because you were too busy.
- I was like, "Hey."
- Chasing.
- No, I laid off.
It's now the time.
And she said no multiple times, but I was persistent.
- She said get a job or what?
- Yeah, she was like, "Find employment first
"and then we'll kind of talk."
And so I did. - Good for her.
- Yeah.
So we made it that far.
- That's a good story, a success story.
- Success story, yeah, that's a good,
that is a positive rift story, if you will.
- P-rift.
- P-rift, P-rift. - That's P-rift.
That's a new segment, positive rifts.
Nice.
- This whole podcast is gonna be P-rift soon.
- In this economy, amen.
- Yeah, thank you.
- I hear it. - I don't know.
- Oh God.
- You're gonna be going into,
I don't know if I have time for this podcast anymore,
and I'm gonna be like, "Hey, I've had a job.
"I still made time for it on a Saturday night
"with 15 minute."
- It's late for you.
- It is, it's night 30.
- Has it passed your bedtime?
Are you like an early bed person?
Early bed person.
- Monday through Friday, yes.
- Today's Friday.
- So today's Saturday.
- It's Saturday, oh my God.
- It's Saturday. - I've not had a job
way too long.
- Yeah.
(laughing)
We're on the second day of the weekend.
- So.
- Third day of the weekend.
- Saturday's typical, like how late for you?
- Saturday's like,
I would say on average 11.30.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
- And are you usually sober at 11.30 on a Saturday?
- Mm, that depends.
- On?
- I would say it's like a 50/50 shot.
- Okay.
- We've been doing, we went through dry January.
So we did a lot of mocktails.
So we did--
- That's nice.
- No, yeah, no alcohol.
We did, have you ever heard of Kaba?
Isn't that just a drug?
Kaba though--
- I don't know.
I think it's just a plant.
- It's most drugs are.
So you do it to Kaba.
- So yeah, it was just like a drink.
- So first question, is Kaba in violation of sober January?
We'll look into that.
We don't have an answer right now,
but we're gonna look into that.
- It's not alcohol, so it can't be.
- 'Cause that's, yeah, Kaba.
- Sober January violation, question mark?
I'll look into that.
So you didn't-- - Oh.
According to Better Health, Kaba is a drug.
- Oh, wow, we just vetted that very quickly.
I like that.
You're like that. - My boy.
- You're like my guy.
- It's a plant, plant from South Pacific.
- You can't, definitely can't trust those.
- Better Health Channel?
- Dot blog?
- Uh, dot vic.gov.
So I don't know what vic is,
but it's a government website.
So it's vic.gov. - Vic.gov?
That says-- - I don't know what vic is.
- It's like not good reach.
It's probably vic.au or something like that.
- It's a plant, though.
- Kaba plant drug, question mark?
- We made it into a beverage, so we went to--
- How is it?
- It was actually delicious.
- Did you notice any effects from it?
- Yeah, it was very calming.
- Okay.
- It was a nice, it was a nice, chill vibe.
It was-- - Who wants that?
- You mix it with a lot of stuff,
so there's like, you could just do the Kaba,
and then you could mix it with all of the cannabinoids,
so like CBD, CBG, CBN, THC, all of those if you wanted to.
We have BCGB.
- GHB.
- PCP, all of them.
- BBC. - I mean, basically,
we have-- - David Adlerow.
- BBC's a great one.
We watched, actually watched a lot of the frozen planets
while on Kaba.
Very calming.
- Oh, with Elsa.
- No, well, Elsa might have been there.
I don't know, I didn't look.
But Walruses were in there.
Some narwhals, which, I mean, we think about narwhals,
narwhals are just fucking unicorns of the sea,
and those things are real.
So why aren't unicorns actually real?
- And that's a great question.
- Do we think unicorns might be real?
- I don't know.
I'm gonna say no.
- What is your take on Loch Ness Monster?
- That's a no for me too.
Bigfoot is a yes for me.
I just wanna put that out there.
Bigfoot is a 100% yes for me.
- Has it always been, or has the recent video shown?
- Always.
- Do you believe the recent videos of the train ride,
of the person on the train taking a video of some fucking--
- No.
No, I saw that.
No, that one from Colorado, I actually did watch that video.
That dude filmed some fucking hippie.
No, it looks like some fucking hippie
on the side of a mountain.
I did see a crazy video,
and I was trying to show my son Declan the video as well.
It was a guy hunting in the swamps
in southern Missouri, Louisiana,
and he filmed a freaking Bigfoot face.
It is a crazy video.
I could not find it, but I've seen it.
- Do you think they took it down?
Do you think it's got government cover up?
- Maybe, but I think Bigfoot is a multi-dimensional being,
and that's why you don't get to see him all the time,
'cause he can go in between dimensions.
- You think it's just one Bigfoot then?
- No, no, I think it's a species.
I think there's ones like the Yeti.
I think there's snow version, the swamp version,
Pacific Northwest version.
- Star Wars version.
There's a Star Wars Yeti.
- Yeah, Chewbacca.
- Yeah, well, and then they also have the Tundra version.
- Oh, like for Hoth, the ice planet.
You like Star Wars?
- I do.
- Are you big into Star Wars too?
- Star Wars guy.
- Really?
- Yeah, tried Star Trek, can't do Star Trek.
- You can't do that.
What about-
- Just never got into it.
Like Spock for sure, dude.
- I never got into it either.
I never got into Star Wars.
I didn't see those until I was like 13.
So I didn't have any sort of nostalgia about them.
- I did.
The Jabberwockies.
- What?
- The Jabberwockies?
- Jabberwockies from Alice in Wonderland.
The Jawas.
The little dudes that live in the desert?
- Yeah, little guys.
- I'm not even the Star Wars guy and I've, no, come on.
- No, they're in the, they're not in the desert.
- Uttini?
- They're in the forest.
- Those are Ewoks.
- Ewoks, there we go.
- You said Jabberwockies.
- So what are those guys?
Oh, those are the guys with the,
the Jabberwockies are the dance crew actually.
- That's true.
I forgot about those guys.
- Ewoks.
- They're also like a weird dragon thing in Alice in Wonderland.
- The Ewoks are what I was thinking of.
But there's also multiple Ewoks, dude.
Like there's the ones with the glowy eyes.
- Those are Jawas.
- Oh, those are Jawas.
- Okay, so then the Ewoks are the bears.
- Yes.
- Those are the cool guys.
- Those are the cool guys.
The Jawas are not cool.
- The Jawas are not.
- They're not cool.
They're like fucking roaches.
They're like,
- They got glowy eyes. - They got glowy ass roaches.
They steal shit.
Not good.
Not a good look, Jawas.
Do better.
Then there's the Tusken Raiders also.
- And those are the full size dudes that look like Jawas.
- They're the full size dudes that just like
make honking noises and
- What's their name?
- Are upset.
Tusken Raider?
- Tusken Raider.
- They're Italian.
- Can't trust the Italians.
- They're from Tuscany.
- Oh yeah, I like Tusken Raiders.
- You don't like those?
- Those are the scary dudes.
- They're scary guys.
- They look like they got like
like they got a mouthpiece in.
- A bane mask.
- They also look like they like
yeah, but like the hillbilly bane mask.
Like you got a couple of teeth missing in your bane mask.
- I would believe that.
- That's what a Tusken Raider looks like.
- Yeah.
- They ride the bison looking motherfuckers.
- Tontons.
Tontons.
How do I know all this?
- You do know all this.
You're not giving yourself enough credit.
- Tonton?
I think it is.
I've played too many Star Wars video games, I guess.
- Would you say that you're part of the rebellion?
- I would say I don't care
'cause Star Wars is never has high enough stakes
for me to care about it.
- What if we get to that part in our life
where it is full, like we have space force.
- Would you join the space force
or would you join the rebellion?
- Probably rebellion.
- Yeah, so you're a rebellion guy.
- I'm a rebellion guy.
- Yeah, see.
- The Empire probably has good benefits.
What do you think?
- I mean, yeah.
- Full health coverage.
- Right, yeah, but you're also
probably brainwashed a little bit.
- I think most of the storm troopers
are actually like clones, they're not real people.
- You think so?
- I'm pretty sure.
- Is that from the Clone Wars?
- I never watched that, I don't know.
- Me neither, I think that turned into a cartoon.
- It's a cartoon.
- Not a fan of the cartoon ones.
They try and pull all those into the same thing
and it's like, well, I'm not gonna watch the cartoon,
I'm just gonna watch the real movies
and you can't just tell me you're going into all of these.
And then they got the TV shows now,
like too many crossovers.
- It's too much.
How can you live in this world?
It's too much Star Wars.
- Sometimes you just gotta be a Tusken Raider dude.
- Seriously, with unlimited breadsticks,
I think Tusken Raiders get.
- I would assume so, yeah, probably salad too.
- I don't know why they're so angry then.
Maybe they're gluten-tolerant.
- Unlimited breadstick?
- Yeah, that's true. - They have celiac,
that's what it is.
Damn you Tusken Raiders. - They look like they do.
- They act like they do.
- I mean, they got their sticks,
they were hanging above their head
and they just start shouting at people.
- Just like most celiacs.
- Motherfuckers.
Tell you what, dude, you can't eat gluten
so you're mad at the whole world.
- Yeah, some people just wanna see the gluten.
- Gluten gun. - Rich world burn.
- It's a damn shame, you know?
What would you say is your biggest moment in life?
- My God, we were just talking about gluten.
- Hard-hitting question, I know.
- My biggest moment in life hasn't happened yet.
- Good answer. - 100%.
- To date, what would you say is your--
- Biggest moment in life? - Proudest moment in life.
- One time Arby's was doing five for five
and I ate all five in my car.
- Did you ever have the meat mountain from Arby's?
- No, what is that?
- No, dude.
Meat mountain.
It's like all the meats.
- They have more than one kind of meat?
- Arby's?
They are the meats, dude, have you not?
(laughing)
- I thought you said roast beef.
They're RB. - Dude, Arby's.
- I don't go to Arby's anymore.
Can only get hepatitis so many times.
- Arby's menu, I'm looking at it.
You can't recite it from memory?
Who are you?
- I was trying to copy and paste--
- Slow roasted beef, sliders.
- Type in meat mountain, Arby's meat mountain.
It was a hidden--
It was a secret menu item, mountain.
- Mountain.
- There's chicken tenders.
- Oh, that looks good.
- Cheese.
- Have you had one?
- Oh yeah.
- You ate the whole thing?
- The whole thing.
Yeah, dude, come on, he ate the whole thing.
You gotta go, I mean, the secret to it is--
- Oh God.
- Ordering it, but then saying like,
I wanna heat it up with cheese sauce.
- I haven't been to Arby's in a long time.
I should go back.
- You should go soon.
I would get the meat mountain too.
Meat mountain's only 1,030 calories.
That's nothing, dude.
- It's not a big deal if you don't think about the calories.
You just gotta think about like what?
You just, you go macros.
You say, what's the protein intake?
And then it's good if you just think about protein.
- Okay.
I mean, one time when I was younger,
I got that three patty burger from Wendy's
and I couldn't do it.
- I don't even know what that is.
- They had like a three patty burger.
Wasn't even anything special.
- What's your favorite fast food?
- Do you have Freddy's?
- You had to go to one fast food restaurant
the rest of your life.
- It's probably Taco Bell.
- Yeah, there we go.
- If I had to pick the one, but do you,
have you had Freddy's?
- I have.
- Freddy's is good.
- Freddy's is like an upscale steak and shaker.
- I've never been a steak and shake.
I've never been a Whataburger either.
So.
- Yeah, I don't know.
Whataburger is just.
- I like Freddy's.
- I like Freddy's.
If you're looking for like a thin burger.
- Thin burger.
- If you're thinking just like pick one
fast food joint for the rest of your life.
- It's Taco Bell.
It's gotta be Taco Bell.
For me, what is it for you?
- Taco Bell.
- It's Taco Bell.
- 100%, yeah.
Taco Bell's my kryptonite.
- It's just its own thing.
You know?
- It's like six and three.
- Taco Bell is Taco Bell.
- Turned into 30 different menu items.
- It's great.
- And you can't beat that.
- Yeah, no, I love Taco Bell.
On actually on the Discord server I'm on,
some guy, some guy,
one of the members of this Discord server was like,
hey, does anyone like Taco Bell?
I got this $25 gift certificate for Christmas
and I don't want it.
And I was like, me, I want it.
Gave it to me.
So what an idiot.
So he gave it to me and then I lost it.
Somewhere in my house.
25 bucks is not a lot of Taco Bell anymore though.
- Yeah, they got the--
- It's not cheap.
- The whole shrinkflation is what they're calling it
nowadays.
- I'm a Crunchwrap man.
- What's your take on Mexican pizzas?
- Those are good.
I just never order them.
I don't know why.
I feel like they're expensive for what you get.
- I agree with that.
They came back, balls of fury and--
- And I like the burritos.
They had a grilled cheese burrito.
Did you get that?
- They had.
They had, I don't remember.
The steak one?
- Yeah.
- Steak grilled cheese?
- Yes.
- Yeah.
- Oh yeah.
- You had that.
- Cheese on the outside.
Oh yeah.
- That's probably every menu item on Taco Bell.
(laughing)
- I love Taco Bell.
And I didn't eat it until I was like 30.
I had never had it.
- Taco Bell?
- Yeah.
- Oh dude.
You missed out for a long time.
- I know.
I probably missed the best version of it.
- The best pieces of it.
They had the Yolquedo Taco Bell dog too.
- Well, I remember that.
Quedo Taco Bell.
Say it again.
- Yolquedo?
- Yolquedo.
- Taco Bell.
- Taco Bell.
- I don't know what it means.
- Yeah, Kate is big on Taco Bell.
She loves the Chalupa and she loves the Double Dagger Taco,
which they discontinued and she ain't happy about that.
- Gordita?
Gorditas?
- Never had one.
- Gorditas and Chalupas are the same thing.
One's just a fried shell.
- Oh, Gordita's not fried?
'Cause Chalupa's fried.
- Gordita.
- Gordita.
- We're gonna find out.
- I never had a Gordita.
- Gordita's not fried.
Gordita's just like a pita.
- No, no thanks.
- But then the Chalupa is just the same thing,
but it's fried, which makes it better.
- I really like the breakfast crunch wrap.
That's my favorite thing.
- You go steak, bacon, or--
- Sausage.
Sausage, baby.
Bacon always sucks at fast food places, so I avoid it.
- Yeah.
- 'Cause it's microwaved and it's like rubbery, it's bad.
- I would put this for fast food breakfast items.
McDonald's still reigns supreme.
- 100, yeah.
Well, Wendy's is really good.
Have you had Wendy's breakfast recently?
- I have not.
- It's really good.
- I had it when it first came out and I was disappointed,
but I haven't tried it since, so maybe they fixed their shit.
But Taco Bell hash browns,
they're basically just McDonald's hash browns,
like but double the size.
- I've never had one.
- Oh, dude.
- McDonald's hash browns are like five bucks now, by the way.
- Oh, that's crazy.
- Yeah, they're super expensive for that little thin.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I love McDonald's hash browns.
I will never not love them,
but they are thin little crappy pieces of potato
and they are not worth five bucks.
They're worth like 68 cents.
- Yeah, we found a grocery store that sells
basically McDonald's hash browns in like,
it's like five bucks for like 30 of them.
- Yeah, I bet.
- So all you gotta do is fry them up.
- Yeah, I love McDonald's hash browns.
I love Egg McMuffins.
But my favorite breakfast is bacon, egg, and cheese
on a bagel, just from living in New York.
That was always, that was the one for me.
And that's the guy for fast breakfast for me, Beck.
- Did you have, did you go to like a Bodega for that?
- Yeah, well those were usually bacon, egg,
and cheese on a roll.
It would just be like on a roll and it would be like two bucks.
And that was great.
- But you had to go for a fancy place for the bagel.
- Yeah, you'd wanna go to somewhere that like makes
their own bagels and they're good.
But then it's probably like six bucks.
- We, mid-westerners are, I would say that the number one
breakfast item is biscuits and gravy.
- Really, I had that today, this morning.
- It's delicious, you know, who had a sneaky good biscuits
and gravy in the Midwest.
I don't know if this is an item all across the nation,
but Subway had a biscuits and gravy breakfast
and it was fucking phenomenal.
- Subway did breakfast for a little bit,
but I always got with like the flatbread.
And that was only when I was doing a road trip, I think,
feel like that was the only time I was like,
oh yeah, Subway breakfasts, let's do that.
- Yeah, it doesn't stick out, but yeah, our town,
the town I grew up in had--
- Our town.
- Biscuits and gravy, our town.
- We grew up in the same place.
- Same place, it's all the same.
They had a very good biscuits and gravy.
You get four full biscuits and then they just put it in
like the big white like styrofoam container, you know?
And just fucking slather it.
- But you don't like runny eggs, right?
Is that you, were you one that doesn't like runny eggs
or you're fine with that?
- I'm fine with runny eggs.
- For me and biscuits and gravy, I need to have eggs with it.
Otherwise it's just like, why are we doing this?
But with the eggs.
- I would prefer it with eggs, it makes it much better.
But I could do a biscuits and sausage gravy alone.
- Wrong.
- I need it all day.
- Mine today was turkey sausage,
which I wasn't pleased about,
but it was still pretty good.
- Very Colorado of you.
- It was the only option on the menu.
I was like, I want some B&G's.
This is the only way.
- Very Colorado of you.
- I don't care, like turkey sausage sucks.
It's just not good.
- I mean, you just can't replace pork with turkey.
- No, it just doesn't taste the same.
It's just like a, turkey bacon is the absolute freaking worst.
I hate that stuff with a passion.
And ground turkey is also horrifying and gross to me.
I don't know what it is.
Like ground beef is fine.
It doesn't gross me out at all.
But ground up bird part, that's like when I'm like,
this is gross, I don't want to touch it.
- What about chicken, ground chicken?
- No, I don't like that either.
- Can't do it?
- No, it's gross.
- I mean, nothing, you can't, once again,
you can't like replace, like people do like turkey patties
for like burgers, like turkey burgers instead of beef.
Not the same.
- But I can do like ground chicken tacos.
- Yeah, I'm all right with that.
- Do that.
- No, like ground, I just mean when it's raw.
Like after it's cooked ground chicken, I'm fine with it.
But when it's raw, it is so gross to me.
I don't want to be anything to do with it.
Any ground up bird raw, it's gross to me.
Ground beef does not bother me at all.
Cows.
- Have you had owl before?
- Ground owl?
- Yeah.
- That's a common thing.
Who's eating owls?
What the hell?
- I don't know, I was asking, you said birds.
So I'm just asking about birds, you know.
- Me, when I go to the gathering of villains
and we're eating owl, ground up owl.
We can't even get owl flank.
We got to get ground owl.
- Yeah.
Probably the easiest way to do it.
Defeather, just shove it down.
- It's horrible.
- Into the old grinder.
- So, I don't know.
I don't know what--
- You got a big question there, hit me.
- I don't have a big question.
All I know is I'm out of here.
We're here, we're talking.
Why are you drinking wine?
- I was, I'm out.
- What's your wife up to?
- She was listening to the Beyonce country album.
- That's a thing that exists that I didn't know about.
- That is a real thing.
She's got, I probably only heard one song.
I think instead of the album,
I think she's just listened to the same song on repeat.
It could be that or something like we don't know.
- Maybe both.
- It could be both, we don't know.
But she's out there just doing her thing in the living room.
- Is that Beyonce being pressured to be more like Taylor?
- I think so.
- She's not being true to herself.
Why is she doing country album?
- There's also a conspiracy out there
that she's bleaching her skin.
- Jesus, why?
- She's going white, I don't know.
- Why would she do that?
- I don't know if it's true.
- Is she like white now?
- There are pictures on the internet that would suggest so.
- It could be AI.
Beyonce white?
- I'm Googling Beyonce white.
- Yeah, when I did that,
I saw some pictures that were incriminating.
But again, photo shots.
- You know what?
Honestly, with how much editing goes into any picture
that comes out of a camera,
who the hell knows at this point?
That's crazy, unless you see her in the flesh
and she's like a ghost, like a Norse goddess.
- I mean, she could be.
- Yeah.
- She might be, she might have been that the whole time.
Maybe they darkened her.
- Maybe they darkened her.
- Illuminati.
- Illuminati.
The Illuminati is all about darkening things.
- They're about, yeah.
- They should be like the D-Luminati then.
- I see what she did there.
- Yeah.
- Do you think,
who do you think the biggest Illuminati supporter is?
- Hillary.
- Yeah.
Because of Benghazi?
- She's just, they give her kids to eat.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
- She eating kids now?
- You missed that whole section of life
when people thought Hillary ate kids.
- I did, I might've been a kid that she tried to eat.
- So she was on the campaign path.
One day she fainted.
Do you remember that?
Hillary fainted, became a thing.
There was a picture of her where her tongue
looked like it had a hole in it.
And then people on the internet were like,
"Oh my God, hole on her tongue.
That means she has this disease
and you can only get it from cannibalism."
And then they were like, "She's clearly eating kids."
- I would,
I strongly support that theory.
- Yeah, just from what I told you, damning evidence.
- I think she's 100% cannibalist.
- With kids.
- Do you think they call her Hillary the Hannibal Lecter?
(laughing)
- Hannibal Clinton?
- Hannibal Clinton, Hillary Hannibal Clinton of--
- Hill-annibal?
- Oh, see, I lost what I was gonna say.
But I think she's probably, I think she's doing it.
- You think she's eating people?
- Do you think then she reverted to just eating
old white dudes too?
Just think about how many old white, Bill,
where's Bill been?
- I don't know.
I haven't kept up with him.
Him and I have drifted apart.
- Probably dead.
- Probably.
- Probably eaten.
- Hill, Hill dog ate him.
God, she could have been our president,
strong ass cannibal president.
- Right?
- That sets a strong message to the rest of the world.
Eat your ass.
- Yeah, well, literally and figuratively,
who knows how many asses she's eaten?
Kids, kid ass, old white man ass.
She doesn't discriminate.
- She just goes after the asses.
- She's eaten that ass.
God, my dad would be so proud of this podcast.
- I feel like people probably,
what'd you write on your hand?
- Download beef.
My friend wants to watch beef
and he doesn't have Netflix.
And I would follow the instructions on my hand
if I were a criminal and I'm not,
so I'm not gonna download it.
- Don't download it then.
- I'm not.
- Have you seen beef?
- I saw like four episodes and it stressed me out.
It was too stressful.
Did you watch it?
- No.
- Oh really, you never saw it?
- No, I saw the preview for it like six times.
- It's intense.
- And that's one of those where I see this.
Have you seen bodies?
- No.
- That's a good one.
- I've heard the drowning pool song.
- That's, it's in line with the,
basically it's basically a TV show about that song.
- Okay, no.
I'm not into like the crime stuff
and Kate surely isn't either,
so we don't really watch a lot of that stuff together.
Sorry.
- Well, everything I was gonna suggest was like British crime
'cause that's all we have.
We watched like three seasons of--
- British crime.
- British crime, yeah.
- That's what you're saying.
- It wasn't, but now Netflix thinks that's all
that we listen and watch is British crime.
- See, we canceled our Netflix, so.
- So where are you downloading beef from?
- I'm not gonna download it.
That is what criminals would do and I wouldn't do that.
I would never do that.
- You're not gonna use it on a live wire?
- I mean, that's a place that some people would go
if they like the citrus fruits and circuits.
But yeah, I mean, I don't know.
We just finished "The Sopranos," we're done,
so now we're like searching for a new show.
- Have you ever seen it before?
- I have, but I basically remembered nothing
and Kate had never seen it before.
- How was it rewatching it?
- It was great.
- And also Kate never seen it, watching it.
- It was great.
- She doesn't like the violence, but it's a fun,
it's like a weirdly funny show to me.
There's a lot of funny, stupid shit in it.
- Have you seen "The Wire"?
- I never watched it.
- You should watch "The Wire,"
this should be your next show.
- Yeah, I know.
- That's like right up, that's right up where,
that's basically your backyard, like where you guys grew up.
- BMO.
We'll see.
I think it's too violent for Kate.
I don't think we're gonna watch it.
- You should watch it though.
- Bridgerton's coming out soon and that's cool.
We like that.
- Oh, that's a different,
yeah, it's a very different show
than what we've just been talking about.
- Well, no, I think this last Bridgerton is,
they film it in the hood.
- The one that's coming out in this hood?
- It's like "The Wire" Bridgerton.
So it'll be good.
- Have you seen,
uh, hardball with Keanu?
- Chris Matthews all the time.
- No, Keanu. - MSNBC.
- Keanu Reeves, hardball.
- (sighs) I'm not, I can't.
- He should have won a--
- Really?
What is it about?
- It's about Chicago inner city baseball team.
- And he's gay.
- Keanu Reeves, he's, I mean,
I like Keanu.
It's like, have you seen,
what was his, what's his action movie that's out right now?
- Johannes von Wick?
- There's like sick of, yeah, there we go.
- I've seen two-- - It's like a picture,
picture him as John Wick, but coaching
middle school inner city Chicago kids.
- Hit the slider.
- And then they play Biggie Smalls.
- I love it when you call me Big Pop, uh.
- Oh really?
- They play that song, that's the big one.
- 'Cause he's a Chicago rapper.
- Yeah, yep, that's why they play it.
- Chi-Town.
- He's known for his Midwesters.
Not because he's from Brooklyn.
- He was like, throw your hands in the yeah, yeah, yeah,
if you like mustard on your hot dog.
Oh.
- If you don't like ketchup.
- If you don't like ketchup.
- Yeah.
That is--
- You know a lot of Biggie.
- Well now you do.
And if you-- - It was all a dream.
I thought I knew it.
Used to read Word Up Magazine.
- Salt and pepper limousine something.
- Salt and pepper heavy D up in the limousine.
Right?
- Yeah.
- Nice.
- See, you do know.
- Oh yeah. - You should watch the wire,
the wire, hardball.
I'm just giving you a lot,
like you could basically just do movie review.
- Dr. Quinn.
- Like next time we talk.
- Well I was thinking about that.
Like if you want me to watch a movie,
'cause I have not seen any movies,
like for the most part.
I'm gonna open--
- You wanna do that for real?
'Cause I will--
- If you give me homework assignment,
I will give you a report on a movie.
- The Burbs.
- The Burbs?
- Burbs, Tom Hanks, Carrie Fisher.
- The...
- Burbs.
- Never seen it.
- It's on, it's well, you don't have Netflix.
- Yeah, I'll figure out where to get it.
Don't worry about that.
Nice law abiding citizen like myself,
I can find these things.
- You can probably get it from Redbox.
Go rent a DVD from Redbox for it.
- I will.
Okay. - The Burbs.
- I'll watch the Burbs and I'll give you a report.
- Live report, I want,
in the next two weeks you watch it
and then we'll get back on here.
- Okay, 'cause you like this movie.
- I would say that's one of my, yeah,
this is one of my most recent whole classic introductions.
Heather introduced me to the Burbs.
- Really?
- It's one of her childhood favorites.
- Okay.
'Cause I watched Christmas Vacation
and I don't really care for it.
And I understand like it's very popular,
but it wasn't for me.
- I'm indifferent about it.
Yeah, I don't, I mean, I didn't grow up loving that one.
- Me neither.
I would never have been allowed to watch that as a kid.
My parents would not let me watch that shit.
So.
- A Christmas story?
- Christmas story's better.
- Yeah, that was my, yeah.
So I think you'll like the Burbs.
So you gotta go into the Burbs with an open mind.
- Okay, I have that.
- You gotta go into it with appreciation for one-liners.
It is Tom Hanks, Corey Feldman, Carrie Fisher.
So I mean, it's got an all-star crew.
And then some other people who are hilarious,
who I don't know their names, but it's fun.
- Yeah, fuck them though.
All right, I'll get it.
- Watch it tonight.
I would say watch it tonight.
We'll hop back on the pod in 12 hours and listen to it.
- Okay.
All right, man.
- All right, two weeks.
- Great, great interview.
This is really gonna go well with my demo.
- I don't see why it wouldn't.
I wasn't being sarcastic.
- Okay, good.
- All 18 of them are gonna love this.
- 19, remember we're shooting for 19.
And then Burbs recap, I think we'll get 25.
I think we'll hit that 25.
- Okay.
- That quarter century mark.
- All right, man.
- I think we hit our juices with movie reviews after this.
- We'll see about that.
Well, okay, but you've been a great guest, AJ.
I mean, not as good as Jason.
We'll put you as second tier.
Second to fifth tier.
And it's been great.
- Best caller.
- Long time, wait, hold on.
But long time listener?
How long does long time listener get me anything?
- Long time listener for me, yeah.
- Yeah.
- Since January, actually since December 30th.
- Since December.
- My first episode came out October 4th.
- Well, nobody was listening to it at that point though.
- It's not true, 73 downloads.
- But how many have you had since December 30th?
- I'm kidding, I downloaded it myself 73 times.
- Teeny's not even downloading it for you?
- Well, she doesn't listen.
It's just me.
- What a producer, dude.
Producer.
- All right.
(laughing)
- All right.
- Let's wrap it up.
- We're doing the burbs recap though in the future.
- I'm gonna watch it, I swear.
Just like I say, arrange this to happen tonight.
I will watch the burbs.
- We're actually gonna have a conversation about the burbs
then we have a true dialogue.
- I'll take notes, I'll watch it and take notes.
- I'll have notes and questions for you as well.
- Okay.
All right, I like that.
- We'll circle back and--
- Table it for later, circle back.
- And we'll be coming back with Alfred Hitchcock's The Burbs
and we'll see how we like it.
- I see what you did there.
- Nice.
- It was not Alfred Hitchcock.
Partying words for this pod.
- T-Pain, I'm in love with a stripper, freestyle should--
- I don't necessarily know that song
and I can't do that the way I have it set up right now.
I can't--
- You go back, you got 12 hours to drop this.
Go back and just do a little remix.
T-Pain, I'm in love with a stripper.
- Okay.
- Freestyle, about AJ.
- I think it would be about,
I think it would be like a weird out song.
Like I'm in love with my Swiffer.
- I'm in love with a Tuscan Raider.
- Maybe.
- She walk and she walk and he walk and--
- They walk in a single file lines
to hide these numbers.
- Not a jab, a walk each, they walk and like he walk.
All right.
This podcast has derailed.
- It's never been railed.
It has never been railed.
All right, man.
- We railed the fuck out of it.
- We're gonna rail it the next time.
- We're gonna rail some burbs.
Some burbs.
- Great, I can't wait until I master this and you see.
I'll send it to you before I publish this
and you can see the real work that goes into this, the magic.
- Okay, yeah.
- Or you just want me to publish it?
I'll do that too.
Okay, good.
- Publish it and I'll listen to it.
- Okay, good.
You're my podcast, I listen to in the sauna
after the gym usually.
- Yeah, 'cause I'm hot.
- So it'd be nice because normally it's like 15 minutes
but we got a solid, I don't know how long we've been talking.
- One hour and six minutes and 33 seconds.
- Look at that.
You probably only need to trim like probably 30 seconds
off of it, everything else is fucking prime.
- Yeah.
- Do you have to, every time I cuss,
do you have to leap that out or are we good with cuss words?
- We're great with them.
- Okay, can you do my voice in like the first 48
where like my face is blurred and I have.
- I've never seen that show.
- The first 48?
- I've never seen that show.
- All right, any crime show where like they've done it
like rescue 911, do you remember rescue 911?
- I love rescue 911.
- There we go, so there we go.
We hit that one where they can't unveil a person's actual.
- That's when I realized my foot was gone.
- Right, exactly and then it's like,
well I was just doing that and it's like the deep voice.
I wanted the deep voice the whole time I talked.
- Like Jason?
- No, but he had like a really flamboyant voice, dude.
- That's just Jason's voice.
I don't know what's silly about that.
- Jason that dick.
Yeah, but yeah, same thing as Jason.
Basically I want to be anonymous.
- But less flamboyant.
- AJ anonymous, yeah, manly anonymous,
not flamboyant anonymous.
- Okay, all right.
I'll note it and I will talk to my producer about that.
- Producer?
- Manly anonymous.
- Voice, yes, voiceover.
- Not flamboyant anonymous.
- And have, have Teeny listen to at least six episodes
of the first 48 so she gets like what kind of voice
I'm looking for.
- She's not going to do that.
- But tell her that's a criteria though.
- Okay, six episodes first 48, six times 48.
She's not going to want to do that.
- It won't take 48 hours.
It's not actually 48 hours of video.
They crunch that 48 hours down into 30 minute episodes.
- Oh.
- It's a TV show.
- Okay.
- Yeah, so you don't have to actually watch 48 hours
of people trying to find somebody else.
It's just 30 minutes.
- That would be tiring.
That's why I never watched it.
- No, it's not 48 hours, it's just 30 minutes.
They condense it.
Unlike what we're going to do with this podcast
because this is golden material we have here.
- Yeah.
- I can just imagine when we come into this hot and fresh
ready to talk about the burbs,
I'm telling you, you're going to love the burbs
or you're going to hate it or you're going to hate it.
It includes a cul-de-sac.
It has inspired me for my next move from this household
will actually be to a cul-de-sac
just because I want to with people.
- Really?
Is it cul-de-sac French for like bag on your ass?
- It might be.
And after you watch this show,
you might, that actually might prove positive
to what that means.
- Okay, well, that's great.
I want to go continue drinking more beer with my spouse.
- All right.
Anybody want a peanut?
'Cause you're watching "Mexico's Bride."
- That movie's over.
I miss that movie.
- Fucking dammit, dude.
What movie's on now?
- My Whole Family's Asleep.
I have to go.
- It's 9.15.
- I don't know, man.
I got to go see what they're up to.
- All right.
Well, tell everybody we said hi.
- Sure.
- In the anonymous voice.
- We said hi.
- We said hi.
- I should have just-
- I'll take this the whole time.
(indistinct)
Do I sound cool when I talk like this?
- No.
- Oh, okay.
Well, you'll do better on your side.
You got the tech stuff.
- I do.
- I like the middle picture that we have here
of your phone videotaping.
That shows your true characteristics
of how you feel about this podcast.
- This one?
- Yes.
I've been looking at that one the whole time.
I've been zoomed in to see what mannerisms you're giving me.
- And they're bad.
- And I'm feeling like you are pretty happy
with what we've accomplished tonight.
- To be honest, I've had to fart for about the last 40 minutes
and I haven't done it 'cause I wanted to mute my mic.
She's just sitting there.
- Oh, you couldn't even hear it.
- Really?
- That's bullshit.
- I'm not even a man.
- I was hoping it was like a (mimics horn)
- All right.
- All right.
- Thanks for joining AJ.
- Hey, it's been a real,
looking forward to the next time.
Longtime listener, second time guest in a couple of weeks.
- Yeah.
Keep reaching for that rainbow.
- Dude.
If I don't get a fucking second.
(laughs)
- So that was the interview with AJ
and he gave me a homework assignment
and it was to watch the movie "The Burbs" with Tom Hanks.
And I'll tell you what, I did it.
And I hated that movie so much.
I can't even remember really anything about it.
I thought it sucked.
That is my review of "The Burbs."
I really didn't like it.
I know it's like a cult thing,
but it did not,
it did not tick any of my boxes.
It didn't flick any of my buttons or dip switches.
It did not massage my erogenous zones at all.
I didn't like it.
So the thing is, it's not good.
And that is my review.
I give it two thumbs down.
But moving forward,
I guess I'm gonna start talking about shit.
I don't know, I'm watching "Top Chef" right now.
That's pretty good.
It's in Wisconsin,
which you can tell they're already desperate.
And I'm checking out all sorts of different TV shows
and stuff.
And maybe I'll just turn this into like a Bravo podcast
where I talk about shows on Bravo, which I don't have.
But I do have a VPN.
And on that note, I really, you know, thanks for listening.
If you made it this far, god damn.
You, what are you doing with your life?
I really consider what are you doing with your life?
And on that note, I'm just gonna,
there's not an outro, there's nothing.
There's just the end of season one.
We did it, I did it.
I made it 11 episodes of navel gazing.
And thanks for gazing with me into my navel,
which is full of lint.
And it smells bad.
And let's see what season two has to bring.
All right, goodbye.